During this week I personally hit a wall. The wall was an internal belief that the vision I had for my life was not true for me. I live for people to have encounters with their Abba who loves them and heals orphan hearts. Yet my own orphan heart brought me to a place where I realized I didn't expect My Abba to show up for me but only to be disappointed again. Growing up I longed for an earthly father and to be loved unconditionally, yet I had gone through disappointment after disappointment. Now I found my heart in a place where I believed My Father would disappoint me also, so why have any great hope for the future. As the Lord slowly brought me through this great fear that stood in the way to my destiny of bringing people into face to face encounters with Abba, I again began to regain hope for the future. The Lord had given me the vision He had for me but I had been reluctant to be all in because the risk of disappointment had been too high, yet deep in my spirit I knew this was my calling. I pressed on looking for the Lord to meet me, amazing it is not my effort that brings deliverance but my honesty and openness to Him. I continued to work on the sermon I was giving at my church, "The Gift of Weakness". Good timing since I seem to be right in the middle of my weakness. To add on to the journey I struggled to sleep one night, adding to my restlessness about vision and the destiny the Lord had for me. As I surrendered to the Lord at a deeper level and finished my preparation for the sermon, I sensed the Lord moving me into a new level of freedom to live from His strength and my weakness. Now I would be standing in front of 80 people no longer hiding my weaknesses but actually putting them on display, so that Christ's power would be manifest and people would encounter their loving Abba. As the moment finally came for me to deliver the Word that God had been working in me for weeks (maybe actually years), a calm and peace came over me in the midst of the lights and onlooking faces. I said things I hadn't expected to say and even got lost in my notes at one point but the calm and peace remained. The Lord delivered a strong word through me on "The Gift of Weakness", I could tell that many were relating to the message and others came up afterwards because they were right in the middle of their weakness. It was wonderful to fly high as people were ministered to by the Word of God and the freedom that comes from accepting your weakness and receiving His strength. Then it is back to everyday life as I walk with the Lord and look forward to the week. In the high flying seasons and the times of weakness and darkness, the Lord is at work in all of them to bring me into a place of deeper intimacy with Him. I celebrate both seasons and am humbled by the reality He is My Abba in both, that I come as I am.
In His Loving Arms,
Bret
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