My Abba Father is reminding me in a not so subtle way that in His Kingdom there is abundant joy, as I face the abundance of responsibilities: the people's lives who have been torn to shreds by the work of the enemy through wounding and loss, building a ministry from scratch to carry the Father's love, planning ministry events, overseeing the homeschooling of our children, coordinating those who serve in ministry under me, helping my 13 year old navigate the teen world, options for the replacing the aging cars, needed household repairs and replacement of furniture that we don't have the resources for, continue to see healing from my broken heart from my childhood, managing the growing number of relationships in our personal world, and coordinating a busy schedule of family activities, church activities, and ministry activities. It's enough to get me overwhelmed, to the point where I go what am I doing ministering to others when there is so much in my personal world that seems to need attention. Yet I am continually reminded of Jesus' promise to those who are heavy-laden and in need of rest (Matthew 11) but this place of rest continues to elude me. I am reminded of how this Savior of ours seemed to disregard the serious concerns of the religious and preferred a lifestyle of spontaneity, eating and drinking with sinners, and disrupting the serious business of the church (by turning over money tables in the temple). Somehow, my serious, intense, and deep thinking personality has a disconnect with a Savior who loved to laugh and even made light of a temple tax He was supposed to pay. Jesus in a scene straight out of comedic routine, gives Peter instructions to go down throw his line in the water and reel in the first fish you catch. Oh by the way reach into it's mouth and out of it you will pull a coin to pay for your tax and mine, even though as sons we really are exempt but as to not offend pay the tax (Matthew 17:24-27). This story really is in the Gospels, Jesus was responding to the accusation of the religious that He was not paying the temple tax. The personality of Jesus in this scene is one of playful, light-hearted, and even a little tongue in cheek. What probably the religious of the day considered no laughing matter, He seems to play with them by how He pays the tax. I want to submit to you, because I believe He was walking in the Kingdom of God where joy, laughter, and light-heartedness are common, instead of the serious religious world of His day. In fact in Romans 15:14 we are told of the Kingdom of God, "...for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." I remember once hearing, John Sheasby, a Bible teacher of the Grace of God said that true Christian maturity is joy. I am so challenged by this image of a playful, free, and humor-filled Jesus because I have learned to be so serious in my life. The adult world is one of serious issues, challenges, things to be resolved, and figured out. Yet I believe Abba Father is inviting me and you, into a place of even laughing at the things that seem so big in our sight because we have a big God who has answers to the deepest and most difficult problems and sufferings in our world. When I am striving to be responsible (take care of my long to do lists), serious, and trustworthy adult I need to try to hide my inadequacies and lack to try to appear that I can handle it. Yet this playful and light-hearted Father invites me into a place of being small in His awesomely big arms, simply to rely on Him like a child. I am struck by where the instructions of where to pay the temple tax came from and even the whole idea of how to respond to this situation, it came from the Father. So I can just picture the Father drawing Jesus close and laughing about His plan to confound the religious leaders, surprise the disciples, and make a spectacle around Him by paying a temple tax from the catch of the day. When we think about we can carry much weight, like the religious leaders, when we are trying to take on our problems without looking to the God of the universe who has answers. It always seems to bring a perspective change when people are overwhelmed and surprised by what they are going through and I comment that God was totally caught off guard and really is wandering what to do, even though He created the earth, redeemed all of mankind, and raised Jesus from the dead. I can completely relate to how they feel, at times the bugs on the windshield of life are so thick you can't see where you are going and start to lose hope. I am seeing the supernatural power of joy, which is rooted in our relationship with Father through Christ and can penetrate the deepest darkness. The truth is that the deepest darkness is within people's hearts, when hopelessness, loneliness, and the future seems cut off. The Word of God proclaims from Nehemiah 8:10 says, "Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” This is in the midst of the people hearing the Law of God and seeing how far they had strayed, under conviction of sin by the Holy Spirit Nehemiah directs them to rejoice because God's forgiveness is greater than their sin. They are in a place of weakness, yet their joy comes from seeing God's goodness on their behalf. Lasting joy is found in our complete forgiveness, redemption, deliverance, and wholeness found in Jesus Christ. God has solved the problems we had no solution for and thus we can light-heartedly rejoice. Since as a child I did not learn to play because I was immersed in the adult world of responsibilities, big problems, suffering, and difficulties Father is inviting me into a place of being child-like and learning to play.
I have been talking with the Father a dimension of life that is not very familiar to me, that is Divine justice. I have spent 16 years of my life seeking to help people heal from the damage of the wounds, lies, and losses that have ravaged their hearts and distorted their identities. Growing up without a father from age 6, loss became like a familiar but unwanted friend. A Heavenly Father who is not only full of grace but also love seemed to be the answer for people who had been devastated by loss. Yet life at times seemed to be like body surfing when the sets of waves would just pound you one right after the other while you nearly drowned from exhaustion. Everywhere as I look around, I see loss, struggle, brokenness, and need. I have spent a portion of my life feeling like I was a victim of others choices and even as I healed no longer seeing myself as a victim, I still carried a sense of loss. The Holy Spirit began to reveal to me that my father was a man who was saved yet the lies, the disconnection from family, an orphan heart, dreaming apart from God, fear, hopelessness, isolation, and an impending sense of death led him to take his own life. Now I see that he was murdered! The enemy was behind the lies, the disconnections from loved ones, an orphan heart, dreams that didn't involve God, the lies of hopelessness, being cut off from love, and finally making death the only way out. The family members of a murder victim often cry out for justice for their loved one, justice is at the core of our beings. It is easy for this sense of violated justice to turn toward fear that it be brought about which leads to anger, bitterness, hatred, and finally unforgiveness. In Luke 18:6-8 says "And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge said; now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” In Matthew 12:18 the words of Isaiah the prophet are reiterated about Jesus, "BEHOLD, MY SERVANT WHOM I HAVE CHOSEN; MY BELOVED IN WHOM MY SOUL is WELL-PLEASED; I WILL PUT MY SPIRIT UPON HIM, AND HE SHALL PROCLAIM JUSTICE TO THE GENTILES." We see the theme of divine justice throughout the Old Testament, for example Moses is raised up to deliver the nation of Israel from the oppressors in Egypt and as they are freed the people are given spoils from Egypt due to the injustice they suffered. In Isaiah 61 we see God promising the nation of Israel a double portion for the shame that has been visited upon them. Many believe that since we are under God's grace that justice was part of the Law, yet the passages I have cited are all New Testament passages about the ministry of Jesus. I would like to propose that Jesus went about bringing justice to the enemy and the Kingdom of darkness through deliverance, healing, and freedom. In 1 John 3:8 says, "The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil." This is divine justice on the one who lied to Adam and Eve in the Garden. The Holy Spirit revealed to me one day as I was studying that the enemy of our souls was never called a thief, until Jesus proclaims him as the thief in John 10:10 and exposes his purpose to kill, steal, and destroy. One day I had a dramatic unveiling of John 10:10, I had a couple in my office who were arguing vehemently non-stop. I interrupted them and pointed out that there was another force at work and that was the enemy who came to kill, steal, and destroy. It was his work to divide this marriage and family. Within a 15-20 minute period of saying this, I later discovered that the passenger side window of my car was being shattered by a thief who stole my stereo and an MP3 player. The enemy (the thief) did not like my exposing him and came against me. Some would say this was coincidence but I don't believe in those because Romans 8 tells me that God causes all things to work together for my good. I believe Jesus in exposing the enemy as the thief was doing what the Father was doing, He was exposing the enemy and his works so he would be brought to justice. I sat across from a friend who is an attorney at a delightful little hole in the wall Chinese restaurant and I asked him if he thought my dad had been murdered by the enemy and what would restitution be for this crime. He acknowledged that my dad had been murdered by the enemy and that restitution would be beyond what I could imagine. I have been asking the Lord for revelation of what restitution would be for the murder of my father.
We are a culture bent on happiness, if we are not happy then we just need to get on Prozac, a tropical Hawaiian vacation, a new job (with better pay and a different boss), maybe a new spouse, or just more money to make everything better. Happiness is connected to happenings and is a far inferior realm of living to the joy of the Lord which is connected to relationship with God. We attempt to manipulate our circumstances to put salve on the areas of trouble in our soul. Too often we can take this same kind of wisdom into our Christian life, yet this is the wisdom of the world and not the wisdom of God. God actually knows there will be times in our life where we are in a pit in our soul and He has planned for a promotion out of the Pit. David was a man after God's own heart, yet the Psalms paint a picture of man who seems tortured at times yet Jesus is sitting on the Throne of David. In Psalm 40 David paints a picture of being in a pit, choosing to wait patiently on the Lord and crying out to the Lord. In the middle of the pit, he seems to attempt to climb out yet his foot finds no solid place it is like miry clay that only slides him back to the bottom. Psalm 40 is a beautiful promise of God's deliverance from the pit, God says He will set David's feet on the rock (Jesus is referred to as the Rock), give him a new song in his heart, and leading to many knowing God and trusting Him. While the world looks at externals, that when your circumstances are bad then it makes sense to be down. Yet the truth is a person is down because of what they believe, their circumstances simply put pressure on what we believe bringing it to the surface. So truly the pits we find ourselves in are pits in our souls that are there because of what we believe, the wonderful news of the gospel is that we can change what we believe to see things the way God sees them (repentance). We get some revelation of how God sees pits from the result He brings as David turns his heart to trusting God to bring deliverance. God, a mighty and wonderful deliverer, comes to David's cry sets his feet on rock (a strong and stable place) and puts a new song in his heart (changes his perspective to see what God sees). In our culture we dream of having enough money (winning the lotto) to be independently wealthy, having a life that is problem free (hakuna matada- from the Lion King, a Swahili phrase that means "no worries"), and living happily ever after (where everything seems to go right). Yet could it be that our problems, issues, and struggles can be a pathway for greater revelation of who God is for us and in turn be an upgrade in our identity to higher place. I have found that in a pit, I am confronted by the fruit of what I believe and what I am living. A pit is a powerful place to be delivered from the darkness of belief, yet if I am just trying to escape because my mindset is one that I should not have down or difficult times then I miss the cleansing that comes from God's touch in the pit. The darkness of beliefs have their roots in what we believe about God and who we are, repentance comes as we experience Him as deliverer and see ourselves as overcomers. A key in the beginning of Psalm 40 is that we wait patiently on the Lord for deliverance, instead of turning to our own escape. Since the result of being in a pit and being delivered by God is that we trust Him at a greater level, praise Him because we know His goodness more intimately, and then lead others to trust God that pits are actually a very useful place in our journey as sons with our Father. I don't believe Father is looking for us to make friends with our pits, where we wallow in the lies or sin but that we can have peace in pits knowing our Father's strong deliverance will come. There were even pits in Jesus life, Lazarus's death, the Last Supper (revelation of Judas betrayal), the Garden of Gethsemane, Peter's denial of Jesus, and lastly the crucifixion itself. These pits put pressure on the soul of Jesus, in one He wept for a dead friend with those who loved Lazarus, experienced the betrayal of two men He loved and invested in for three years, came to the point of near death as He encountered the fullness of what was in the cup, and finally as He experienced the full weight of all our sin on Him, the punishment, and finally the separation from His Father on our behalf. Since Jesus is our model, should we expect that there will be pits in our life but Father is our deliverer and our promoter from the pit.
Father continues to be speaking to me about a couple of themes in this season, one is fear and how powerful this is in our lives and the other is loving relationships. I am struck that when an orphan heart is operational in our lives, our relationships center around what we can get from them since we are in a place of lack and need. How do you know if you are operating in orphan relationships? Here are few indicators: you often feel disappointed by what people don't do for you or don't give you, you feel emotionally needy, you are offended when people say no to you, you struggle with holding onto bitterness, resentment, or unforgiveness, live from a place of reacting to what the other person does, you look for what others can give you, your expectations of others seem to often not be met, there is ongoing strife/conflict in your relationships that doesn't get completely resolved, you have a hard time apologizing to others for your mistakes, have a critical or judgemental attitude toward others, you are frustrated if others give you feedback that isn't completely positive, and you find that you feel distant in relationships. These are just a few that the Lord brought to mind as I reflected on Scripture and my own life. I think of the fruits of the Spirit vs. the fruits of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-23), many of these characteristics are connected to relationships. Isn't it true that much of the Word of God looks at our beliefs and ways of living in relationship with God first but then in relationship with others. To summarize orphan relationships have at their core, selfishness and meeting my own needs. Whereas son relationships have at their core, love and building lasting, strong, and honoring connections with others. As we live from our true identity as sons and daughters receiving the daily love and affirmation of our loving Father, then we have something to give into our relationships. When we are operating from an orphan heart, this is a place of poverty and lack so we are looking to others to fill our deficit. When we are drawing value, love, and acceptance from Father's love for us "in Christ" then we are being filled up and the love that we receive we are now in a place to give. Jesus in commissioning the disciples said, "Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons. Freely you received, freely give." (Mark 10:8) In spending time with Jesus, seeing Him teach and demonstrate the Kingdom, and receiving revelation that He was the Son of God positioned them to receive from Him and then to go on to give to others what had been given. The Son, Jesus, drew from the Father through the Holy Spirit and the disciples as they honored Jesus as the Son of God by doing life with Him then were able to draw from what had been given to them. Recently as lies were triggered in my heart that I was alone, unloved, and hopeless (an orphan heart) I noticed that I protect myself when I am in this place and tend to not be loving to others. Experientially knowing the truth of my identity as a son who is completely loved and secure is vital for me to walk in loving relationships. There are two concepts for sin in the Bible, one is the transgression of the Law of God but the other is missing the mark. Missing the mark means that we fall short of Jesus command to love God with all our heart, soul, and strength and to love your neighbor as yourself. It is a sin against love, when we live from an orphan heart we move to a place of meeting our own needs at others expense and we sin against them. Jesus was freely able to give to others because He lived from a place of total dependence on the Father, He didn't live from His own resources. In living this life in Father's Love I am discovering more and more the importance of absolute dependence on Christ. God is love and therefore the source of agape love, living in continual connection with Him provides the love we need to sow into our most important relationships.
