When the Lord calls to the deep of your heart and you respond, then everything should just line up and go well? Right! I have found that when my Abba is on the move, so is the Liar and Enemy of our souls. As I began to press into to seeking my Abba's heart, to know Him intimately in starting in John 1 my heart was under attack. The Enemy stirred lies deep within my soul, that touched the most afflicted places as my boyhood soul was developing. The Enemy's deep lie was that I was without a father, alone, unloved, and in the darkness. The sadness was so heavy it was crushing, the darkness so real I felt like a mole coming out into the sunlight squinting. In John 1:4 and 5 the Holy Spirit through John says, "In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it." Instead of understanding what was happening from my place as a beloved son, I allowed the Enemy to crush with his lies and attempted to find my way to the surface of the water (metaphorically) by fighting it. The Spirit began to stir within me that this was not just old feelings but an attempt to be taken down and discouraged, a lack of sleep with my daughter looking forward to me taking her to the sweetheart dance completed the attack. Then I began to see the Light that my son and daughter were not part of exposing my inadequacy as a father but really part of my redemption. That through them I had the opportunity to have the Father father me and I father them with the love He gives me. I began to see that in my deepest wounds contained some of the greatest revelations of My Abba but I needed to not look what is on the earth but that which comes from Heaven. I know it was an attack, through lies I have still believed because darkness, confusion, discouragement, and despair are all tell-tale signs of the Enemy's work. Rather than come into agreement with what was happening in my soul, I chose to put my eyes on Abba and His unfailing love. Worship seems the quickest way to reorient to the Kingdom but also looking into my daughter's blue eyes as we danced brought my soul light. I realized that in my daughter's eyes my affection towards her meant the world, not my performance as a father but my heart. I decided I would enjoy every moment and see redemption. I have included a worship song that lifts my soul and reminds me of the truth of who my Papa really is. For my soul to walk in life is to be oriented to the Light, Jesus is the Light and shines on all.
No comments:
Post a Comment